Breakup Hotline

Welcome to The Girl Who readers. This following post is entered in “The Great Experiment”, a blog writing contest on www.thegirlwho.net. If this post is your favorite, go back to www.thegirlwho.net and post a comment with the name of this blog (Notes From BreakUpLand) and that’s your vote.

In any case I hope you enjoy it.

---------------------------

In honor of the joke classic "Psychiatric Hotline" I've created my own BreakUp Hotline.

Enjoy, and let me know if you have any ideas for the 7, 8 and 9 buttons.

"Welcome to The Breakup Hotline. Please listen to the following menu:

If you are trying to stay "just friends" with your recent ex in the hope of getting back together with them PRESS 2 repeatedly after having glued a sharp tack onto the button, since apparently you have a very high tolerance for pain.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend has told you that they love you, but they're not in love with you…but they'd like to still hang out and they will call you sometime soon, and you're not sure if you've been broken-up with, PRESS 3 and you will be connected with REALITY.

If you have been calling your ex repeatedly, or answering their booty calls, PRESS 4. This will activate a special feature that will cause your phone to self-destruct. You have 5 seconds to step away.

If you have been spending hours calling your ex and hanging up, staring at their messenger icon, watching their Facebook page, or engaging in any other kind of stalking, PRESS 5 to hear the sound of your life passing you by. Then put on some shoes and go outside for a walk.

If you are an attractive non-smoking male with a steady job who is not intimidated by smart, beautiful women, PRESS 6 to be connected to my personal voicemail. You will be instructed on where to send a photo and three references."

© 2009 Sasha Carr, All Rights Reserved, content may not be reprinted without permission from the author