Dear BreakUp Coach,
I'm trying to figure out whether I should go to a party at my ex-boyfriend's fraternity this weekend. We broke up two weeks ago and I have been pretty devastated by it, especially since it came as a big suprise to me because we were pretty serious and I thought things were going really well. Since we broke up he won't really talk to me and didn't call me back when I tried to call him and sent him a text message. The thing is, this is a really big party and my friends will be going, and I will feel like I am giving up and kind of like a loser if I don't go. I really want to prove that I'm okay and that I can move on without him. It will probably feel really weird to see him, but why should I not go, just because he decided to break up with me? That doesn't seem fair, don't you think? Why should I give up my whole social life because of him?
I absolutely agree that there is no reason to give up your whole social life because of a break-up. Yet this is ONE party we're talking about. You mention that you've taken the break-up rather hard and that it's only been two weeks. While I strongly believe that you will recover from this and move on with your life soon, it's still pretty early days. If you were in a class or an organization together and likely to run into him I wouldn't encourage you to skip out on your own interests and commitments to avoid seeing him, but why not give yourself a little more time to recover and get your strength back before going to a party at his fraternity at which he will be on his "turf" and surrounded by his friends, and where you're probably not going to enjoy yourself? What if you didn't have to "prove" anything to him or anyone else, but actually gave yourself a chance to process your feelings so you could really move on rather than just pretend that you're okay? Are ALL of your friends going to that one party, or can you make your own alternative plans for this weekend? After you've given yourself some more time to get over it, then you might decide to go to hang out at his fraternity because you actually think you'll have a good time, rather than because you feel like you have to prove something.
The BreakUp Coach